But Adam...I am helpless!

Let’s talk about victimhood mindset. Now, before we dive in, I want to make one thing absolutely clear: we are not talking about people who are actual victims of injustice or harm. That’s a separate, serious topic. What I’m addressing here is the habitual way some individuals perceive themselves as victims of circumstances or others when that might not truly be the case.

The victimhood mindset stems from viewing yourself as powerless, blaming external factors for your situation, and avoiding personal responsibility. When it’s always someone else’s fault: society’s, your cousin Ronnie, or some external event—it can be a way to dodge accountability. The truth is that this mindset keeps you stuck.

Let’s say you didn’t land a job after a second-round interview. You might feel tempted to blame external factors: maybe the interviewer was biased, maybe someone else had an unfair advantage, or maybe you didn’t go to the “right” school. While there could be some truth to these perceptions, focusing on them doesn’t help. We can’t read minds, and even if external factors were in play, they’re out of our control. What’s within your control? Preparing for the next interview—getting a good night’s sleep, researching the company, sharpening your resume, doing role play practice ahead of those opportunities. These proactive steps shift your focus to what you can do, reinforcing your internal locus of control.

That’s a big idea here: an internal locus of control is the belief that outcomes are determined by your own actions. The opposite, an external locus of control, pins everything on external forces—and that’s where learned helplessness can creep in.

Learned helplessness happens when repeated setbacks make someone feel like their efforts don’t matter. Picture a high school student who keeps failing math tests, no matter how hard they try. Over time, they might stop studying altogether, convinced they’re just “bad at math.” But that belief becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy—if they don’t try, they’ll never improve. The truth is, setbacks are part of the process, and perseverance opens the door to opportunities.

Here’s what we know: we can’t control every obstacle, but we can control our response. Yes, circumstances can be tough, but when we focus on our ability to act, we take back our power.

Self-victimization, where someone portrays themselves as a victim to gain sympathy or avoid accountability, only deepens the cycle (if only I was born into royalty!). While empathy is important, we don’t want to reinforce a pattern that leaves someone stuck. Growth happens when we step into our power, take accountability, and move forward.

The magic lies in reclaiming your agency. With that internal focus, you’ll be amazed at what you can achieve. Don’t let the raincloud stay overhead. You control the forecast.